36 Things to do in the Hong Kong Airport with a 14 hour Lay-Over

1. Walk through heat sensing security check point to see how healthy you are.
Check periodically for updates.
2. Watch heat sensing monitor to check out fellow passengers
3. Smoke
4. Smoke more
5. Walk around the airport
6. Check out the cover of every magazine in the book store. Try to decipher the
one’s in Chinese
7. Play the ‘name the destination’ game for your fellow travelers
8. About time for another cigarette don’t you think?
9. Watch planes take off
10. Hate every single one of those people on the planes
11. Watch departure screen for flights leaving for interesting destinations
12. Watch the date change on your watch
13. Watch departure screen to figure out which planes are going to land before
you even leave the airport
14. Hate all of those people
15. Consider buying cheap Dim Sum magnets
16. Consider buying anything with Hello Kitty on it
17. Eat at McDonalds
18. Make themed play lists on your iPod which such themes as; Songs with airport
themes, songs with the word ‘waiting’ in it, sons you can only stand for 25
seconds
19. Watch the ‘now arriving’ video monitors for people you know
20. Anticipate the opening of the ‘Lost City of Snacks’
21. Go to the 7-11 to buy more cigarettes
22. Forget to buy cigarettes and instead buy the weirdest snack you can find
23. Go to the trash and dispose of said snack after taking one bite
24. Consider calling your mother collect ‘just to chat’
25. Ride escalator and have a conversation with the friendly voice telling you to
“Hold the hand rail” and “Watch your step”
26. Stop doing that after you hear her giving the same greeting to other people.
That two-timing hussy.
27. Actually buy cigarettes this time
28. Watch CNN and make up your own captions
29. Consider going to the prayer room just to have something to do. Consider
praying for your plane to leave early
30. Go to the bathroom
31. Consider buying pornography and masturbating in the bathroom
32. Not do that
33. Watch the airport for any signs of TAR contestants
34. Consider buying the sausage in the cellophane wrapper next to the candy
35. Not do that
36. Settle for a package of malteaserrs

McDonalds in Asia

Ok I’m sorry. I said I wasn’t going to do it, but I did it. On my last night in Bangkok I went to McDonalds. I’m sorry. I feel like I let you all down. I did have a nice dinner at a Thai restaurant that night, but after spending the evening at a Muay Thai match, I was hungry for something quick. Plus, after Pulp Fiction I think we’re all curious about the differences between McDonalds in different countries. Do they call it a Quarter Pounder? Are there different menu ideas? I needed to find out. Damn you Vincent Vega.

Well they do call it a Quarter Pounder, and there were some unique menu items. There were spicy chicken nuggets, and my choice for the evening; The Sumo Pork Burger which is a lot tastier than the McRib. Other than that everything was pretty much the same. The fries were still tasty and such Blah, Blah, Blah.

To make matters worse though people I ate at McDonalds AGAIN! During my 13 hours at the Hong Kong airport. I had to eat again at McDonalds, and had the weirdest burger. I think it was called the ‘BeefTastic’ sandwich. It had sliced beef in this nice sweet sauce, but the interesting thing was that the bun was made of rice. It was almost like a rice cake, but not crispy. Not the best thing ever, but it was interesting.

So how about the Whopper? I don’t know I didn’t go to Burger King.

The Border Run

Thailand will only give tourists a 30 day visa, but it’s free, so it’s not too bad a deal. This means that if you want to stay longer than that you need to extend your visa. This means high-tailing it to the nearest border, exiting the country, and then re-entering. Simple processes as long as you’re near a border. Unfortunately my Visa expired 4 days before I actually had to catch a plane home, and the fine for over staying is 500 Baht a day ($12). Fortunately Ranong is right across from Myanmar, and so doing a border run is pretty easy to do.

I don’t know why I got excited at the idea of a border run, but it just seemed so thrilling. Maybe I was just reminded of Cannonball run or something who knows. It just seemed to have this air of mystery that I found exciting. So I left Koh Chang, caught the boat to Ranong, and then went and talked to the pier workers about doing the Border Run. The guy exchanged bath for a crisp clean $5 which is what the border people want. If you don't have one, then it’s almost double the cost. After that he took me to the immigration office to get stamped out of the office. Then it was off to another pier to catch the boat to Myanmar. On the way we stopped by the Thai Border guard and then made our way to Myanmar. The boat trip was actually pretty nice as ther are statues and Wats on a few of the islands, and Myanmar seems to have a lot of Green to it. Once there I checked in at the immigration office, was offered cheap booze and cigarettes from a 9-year old, and then got back on the boat for Thailand. Then it was back to the immigration office to officially enter Thailand again.

All in all it cost around $10, and took about 1 ½ hours, 15 of which was in Myanmar. Was it thrilling and exciting? Kind of actually, but I think that mostly came from not knowing what the hell was going on. Plus, there is something exciting about borders. I feel like a drug mule no matter the crossing is like. Are the guards going to be tough? Am I going to have to bribe someone? Am I on a list somewhere? All these things go through my mind as I’m crossing. Not exactly sure why, but it does. Plus, now I have a Myanmar stamp in my passport, so that's kind of cool.

They Call Him Mr. Kai

After Tonsai I started to make my way back to Koh Chang. I made it back to Ranong, but missed the last boat to Koh Chang, which meant I had to spend the night in Ranong, which turned out to be a good thing, as it was Songkran (Thai New Year), and it was quite the celebration. The celebration of Songkran involves the washing of the Buddha,, and this as evolved into a water festival, where people roam the streets with bowls of water, water guns or even a garden hose, and drench each other and passersby where. This wasn’t so great as I was making my way to the guesthouse, as I really didn’t need my pack getting soaked, but I managed to only get myself wet, and saved my pack. At the hotel I ran into a few people from the Dive Safari, and after checking in we hit the streets, and once again got a lot of water poured onto us. It was actually really fun, and since it was so hot, the water was actually pretty nice.

That night I tried to find the bar my friends were at, but as I was walking by on bar I got called over by this Thai guy and was asked to join this group for a beer. I tried to tell them I was looking for some friends, but they were having none of it, and after the guy made a comment about Canadians not drinking beer, I felt I had to save my countries honour and joined them for a few drinks. After that I found my friends just down the street, and continued to celebrate with them. The bar we were at wasn’t officially open, so we had to keep running to the 7-11 to buy more beer and Whisky.

The next morning I headed back to Koh Chang and man that place had really cleared out. The island seemed empty, but all the regulars were there, and it was a nice relaxing time. The reason I was returning to Koh Chang was to see Mr. Kai, the resident Bamboo tattoo artist. I’ve been wanting to get another tattoo for awhile now, and figure a traditional Thai tattoo was the prefect way to always commemorate my trip. Bamboo tattooing basically uses a bamboo stick instead of a machine and it was quite the experience.

First off, Kai is an interesting man. He has a hut set up on the beach, and you would be hard pressed to find a nicer man, or a nicer location to get a tattoo. I had visited him a few times to talk about the design, and it was a little hard to get my ideas across with my limited Thai (OK none), and his limited English, but he had a book of Thai art, and I showed him what I was kind of looking for, so I just pointed and hoped for the best.

It must be said that he starts to prepare for the tattooing, but smoking a bowls of pot form his bamboo bong, and then starts to prep the instruments. The bamboo stick looks an awful lot like a chopstick which he files down, and then attaches the needle, using string and wax. After that he spent a while drawing the design on my arm. Mr. Kai, when he’s drawing on paper isn’t really that good of an artist, but when he gets to your skin it all changes. His girl friend and him create a really relaxing environment with pillows, and coffee, and well bong hits if you so choose.

The tattoo I got was of a lotus, which Hindus associate the lotus blossom with creation, and with the gods Vishnu, Brahma, and Lakshmi. In Buddhist symbolism, the lotus represents purity of body, speech, and mind, floating above the muddy waters of attachment and desire. The lotus, as well, can have several meanings, often referring to the inherently pure potential of the mind. In the middle of the lotus I have a Buddhist symbol that offers good luck and protection. I took it from two pieces of art, depicting the Buddha which was part of the head dress worn by the Buddha. The middle part is a more stylized version of a traditional sak yan tattoo, which is usually done by monks as a form of protection for the wearer. I loved watching Kai work, and the man is a true artist. His precision and creativity with the bamboo was just amazing, and there was very little pain.

So now I have another tattoo (which I’m sure my parents will hate), and just seeing it not only reminds me of my trip and all the adventures I’ve had, but keeps serves as a reminder of how I want to be living my life.

The Island of Climbers

After a day in Ao Nang, it was time to hit Tonsai Beach. Tonsai is part of the mainland, but due to all the rock formations it is only accessible by boat. It’s also connected to Railey beach which is more of the resort beach, while Tonsai is more of the budget accommodation place. I was told that Tonsai and Railey were the Mecca for climbing in Thailand, and they weren’t lying. The place is a climber’s paradise. There are 600 routes scattered around the area, and I think 75% of the residents on Tonsai were climbers. There is something amazing about being able to leave your bungalow, and be climbing within 10 minutes. The beach is full of good climbing walls and overhangs, and there are even places where you can free-solo (no ropes or safety devices), and when you’re tired you just drop down into the ocean.

So I figured that for my first day I should probably get a guide, and so I headed to Wee’s climbing school, since he was close to by Bungalow, he’s been climbing on the island for years, and he helped write the latest climbing guide book for Thailand. He convinced me that it was about time that I did some lead climbing, and for some reason I agreed. For those of you who know nothing bout climbing, there are basically two types of roped climbing; lead and top-rope. With top rope, the rope is already set up and the belayer takes up the slack so that if you fall, you only drop a few inches. With lead climbing you bring the rope up with you, and hook it through anchors along the way. This means that if you fall, you fall twice the distance of the length of rope between you and the last anchor, so if you’re just about to attach another anchor, you can fall quite a distance. I’ve always been afraid of lead climbing because the falling freaks me out. I have a bad fear of heights, and the only thing that lets me be able to climb is my trust in the safety equipment. Wee just said “Well you trust the equipment, now it’s time to trust yourself” and really who can argue with logic like that.

Well it was scary as hell, but it was also quite fun, and it was a good skill to pick up. My guide was awesome, and such a nice guy. The climbing though was amazing. It’s like all those Karsts and rock formation were put there just to be climbed. And unlike the other places I’ve been, when we got a little tired or hungry, we just went to the closest restaurant and had a drink or snack. And that’s pretty much how I spent the rest of my time in Tonsai. Wake up, climb a bit, eat, relax, climb some more, eat drink, bed. It was quite the life, and I’d return there again in an instant. The only sore point was that for the first time all trip I got a little sick and spent one day just throwing up every few hours, which kind of killed the whole climbing thing. Oh well at least I got a few days in. My last day I was still feeling a little ill, so I decided to head back to Krabi town early so I could try to catch a bus to Ranong the next day.

Behold the Power of Cheese

One of the things I missed most from home was cheese believe it or not (the other one is a secret). I love cheese. Stinky cheese, soft cheese, hard cheese, fondues, I love it all. Heck even that processed cheese that you put on nachos I have this weird obsession with. I love that crap (although legally I don't think you can call it cheese). The cheese in South East Asia though is a little lacking. It's not their fault really though, I mean cheese just isn't a part of their culture. It's hard to find milk, and yogurt is a pretty new thing to find, but who can blame them, refrigeration isn't that common in most homes.

There is some cheese though. The unfortunate part is that it’s that crappy La Vache Qui Rit, or Laughing Cow Cheese. You know that crap in the foil wrapper that comes in a wheel? Yeah, you can get that anywhere, and I hate it. I did love it after Tet when it and a loaf of bread was all we could get to eat at 6am, but that was a one time only love. Again though, who can blame them, it requires no refrigeration, and its pretty conviently packaged.

This longing for real cheese though is why I completely flipped out in Na Trang when in a Super Market I found some Emmentaler. I bought a package and some crackers and rushed up to my room to eat the whole damn block. It was not the best quality, but man was it good.

Then as I strolling along the boardwalk in Ao Nang I spotted this:



A Swiss restaurant? In Thailand? Maybe they have Fondue! They didn't but they did have other Swiss dishes, and then I saw it: Assortment of Swiss Cheeses.....170 B. An assortment! Of cheese! Awesome! And that when the drool started. So I walked in, and ordered some, and received a plate of Appenzeller, Emmentaller, and some Edam (which isn't Swiss, but whatever). Man, I just stared at it for awhile before digging in. I have to say, I don't think I've ever been happier eating cheese. I mean I've had much better cheese, but this came at jus the right time, so it's definitely one of the best cheese experiences of my life. That right folks, I actually have cheese experiences which I keep track of. I'm Swiss, what can I say. I refuse to apologize for it. All that being said, if the restaurant did have fondue on the menu, I think I would have had am orgasm, so I think it's best for all involved that they didn't have it.

TAR Flashback #4 - Chicken Island

After two days in Krabi Town, I made my way to Ao Nang, which I heard had some great beaches, as well as good snorkeling (since I could no longer afford any real diving). The town was your typical beach town (interpret that as you will), with lots of tourist stuff for sale, and a bunch of seafood restaurants, and lots of over priced accommodations. I ended up getting a cheap room in an alley, and it was kind of a hole, but the room was clean and the location good, so who cares if my view was a concrete wall and I had to share a bathroom.

I decided to do a four-island boat tour, which included a trip to Chicken Island, which was one of the places the teams had to go in TAR 1. As much as I hate to admit this, this was the sole reason for going on this tour. Oh who am I kidding, I’m not ashamed to admit that at all. The boat trip was rather fun though. All the islands were nice, and the snorkeling was actually pretty good. There were corals around and a few Anemones so it was almost like diving, except there was the added fear that the boats were going to run you over at any moment, but dangers fun right? The beaches and views (both Flora and Fauna….OK, the karsts and women) were great, and it was a pretty fun day. I have to say, Chicken Island actually did look like a Chicken. We ever got to see Pai Plong beach which was the Pit Stop on leg 10. It was at this point in the race that the Frats and Guidos effectively got screwed out of race. The only weird thing about the race was that there was this Asian guy, who I swear was trying to pick me up. It was the oddest thing, and not just because it showed his complete lack of taste in men. When he walked by me he would grab my arm, and not in a “Oh excuse me let me squeeze through” kind of way but he would actually grab my arm and squeeze it a few times. Then on the last leg, he changed his seat and sat right next to me, and kept on grabbing my leg. Finally after my millionth WTF look that I was giving him he stopped, but man what a weird thing to do. Oh well at least it past the time.

After two days in Ao Nang I finally went to Tonsai and Railay Beach, which was the location of King Climbers, another task on TAR. I did go climbing, but not with King, so I’ll save that for another post.

TAR Flashback #3 - Tiger Cave Temple

So after spending a few more days in Ko Chang, I decided that it might be time to move on. I mean I loved Koh Chang, but really, there wasn’t much to do there, and you can only read, and play volleyball for so long, before you feel that it’s time to see some more of Thailand. I had heard that there was some good climbing in Krabi, so I took the boat back to Ranong, and headed to the bus station, where I found out that I had missed the last bus to Krabi, and would have to spend the night in Ranong. Now if there is very little to do in Koh Chang, then there is even less to do in Ranong. They do have a really good market, so I wandered around that for a bit trying various foods from the stalls. All the signs were in Thai though, so I just had to point to things and pray for the best. More often than not it was damn good.

The next day I got onto the bus for Krabi town, and spent the night in the Chan Cha Lay guesthouse that was one o the nicest I’ve been too. It really reminded me of a Cape Cod kind of guesthouse, with the whole place done up in whites and blues, and the people were super friendly. I went for dinner at one the most beautiful restaurants in Thailand, and had an amazing seafood meal. The place was a bit out of town, but definitely worth the walk.

The next day it was off to the Tiger Cave Temple, which was the pit stop in leg nine of TAR. The Place was amazing. We never really got to see it on the show, but it was one of the most beautiful Wats I’ve been to. It’s in the woods, and there are paths all through out the jungle, with caves to explore, and some of the weirdest trees I’ve ever seen. The Highlight (or low light maybe) was the statues on the top of the mountain that you access by climbing over 1300 stairs. In 45-degree heat, I was sweating like crazy by the time I got to the top. Along the way there are a bunch of monkeys, and signs warning you that the monkeys steal things. And they do! One little bastard tried to steal my water bottle out of my backpack, and let me tell you it freaked me the fuck out, since I didn’t see the bastard coming, and then just felt a tugging at my pack. The climb was really nice though, and the view from the top was well worth the effort. You could see all of Krabi Town, and since it was a clear day you could even see the ocean. Even the Buddha statue on top was great.

One of the only bad things was the lack of respect the other tourists were paying to the Wat. In all of South East Asia, the dress at Wats and Royal places is supposed to be respectful. This means long pants, covered shoulders, and no sandals (although this isn’t such a biggie). Heck in the Royal Palace in Bangkok, they usually have to give clothes to people to fit the dress code. Yet all over the place there were people breaking these rules, and it’s really a shame. The monks hate it, and really consider it disrespectful to what they do; yet usually they are too nice to say anything. The rules are clear, and they’re in any guidebook you see so there really isn’t a reason to break them, except that people just don’t seem to care. Heck in the tiger cave temple I saw people walking around without shirts on which is just ridiculous. I mean would you go to church with your shirt off? I know it’s hot, and everything, but come on at least try and respect the culture.

Amazing Race Flashback #2

Remember that awesome fast forward in season one. You know the one where Momily and The Guidos faced off in Bangkok, that eventually led to the demise of both teams. Remember how nerve wracking and tension filled that fast forward was? Well guess what I got to do? I didn’t even realize it was the same place until I walked into the room and saw this huge reclining Buddha, with a row of pots that people were putting coins in. Let me tell you the Buddha is impressive. It’s massive, and really beautiful. I mean the thing just dominates the room, and it even has the most impressive souls you’ve ever seen on anyone’s feet.

So after staring in awe for some minutes, I donated some money and got my own pot of coins, and began reenacting the fast forward. Now of course I give it at a much more sedate and respectful pace, but it was still quite fun. Wat Pho itself (of which the reclining Buddha is just a part, is one of the most beautiful Wats I’ve visited so far. There are statues everywhere, and was a really nice place just hangout and relax, especially amongst the hustle and bustle of Bangkok (and considering this was the day I got lost). What made it even more relaxing was the fact that Wat Pho has one of the foremost Thai massage schools in Thailand. So after wandering the Wat for awhile, I went to get a relaxing herbal massage (1 hour for only $4). You know I could really get used to getting a massage every week.

After that I went across the river to Wat Arun (Temple of Dawn), which was the site of Kevin and Drew getting screwed by the good old hours of operation. That Wat was insane as well. It was much smaller, but so unbelieveably intricate. I mean the detail was astounding. I was again in awe. I may have been Wat’ed out before I got to Bangkok, but these were too amazing not to get through my cold bitter heart.

A Tale of Sunglasses

So I scratched the shit out of the pair I brought, although I think most of the damage was done long before the trip. Anyway, I couldn't wear the things. So in Bangkok I bought a pair of "Oakleys" for $3. I had them almost a whole two days, before leaving them on the Bus in Ranong. So in Ranong I bought a new pair for $3. I had them a whole 2 hours, before they slipped off my head while getting off the boat in Koh Chang, and got taken away by the waves. Now I'm in Krabi (AMAZING RACE FLASHBACK COMING SOON!), and bought another pair, and nearly lost them within a day after leaving them in my Guest house bathroom.

Yeah, never let me watch your kids people. Gee, I just don't know where I left little Billy?

UPDATE: Yeah, so I lost that pair too. Left them on another fucking bus, in the exact same location as last time. So I went out an bought two pair this time...just in case

The Life Aquatic

Now I've always wanted to go diving. Those Jacques Costeau (sp?) films were always so amazing. However, Diving in Ontario...well kind of sucks. The water is murky, and what are you really going to see in Lake Ontario? Oh, a Bluegill....Oh a Pumpkinseed...Wow, an old beer bottle. So why shell out hundreds for certification just to freeze your ass off in polluted waters. Then I came to Thailand.

I had heard about Aladdin Dive Safari from my tree mate, Ede (can I tell you how much I love saying treemate). He was going to Little Koh Chang for a 4 day diving excursion to the Similan Islands, and suggested I go. Luckily by the time I made up my mind there was still room, so after hitting Bangkok, I made my was to Ranong to catch a boat to Koh Chang (This by the way for all of you following along in the atlas, is Koh Chang on the Adaman Coast, not the one on the other side of Thailand). Well I should say I tried to make my way to Ranong, the bus company had other ideas. I had bought a "A/C, direct bus" from Bangkok to Ranong, but instead ended up in Surithani, which is 3 hours south of Ranong, and on the complete other side of the peninsula. So this meant I had to backtrack 4 hours to get to Ranong, then catch a boat to finally make it to Little Koh Chang.

Once there I was told I was a little late for the prep course, but if I was willing to watch 3 hours of video, and read 3 chapters and do three tests I'd then be caught up. So that's what I did my first day in Koh Chang. The second day? More studying. The third day we finally hit water, and did some dive training. The next day we left for the Similans. Now Koh Chang is an amazing place and I knew that I would love it since nobody I talked to before hand had even heard of the place. The Beaches aren't great, and the water is murky, but it has such a great vibe. You live in these bamboo huts, and there just aren't very many people there. In total I didn't wear shoes for almost two weeks.

The Aladdin people were also amazing. My instructor was Phil, a former Brit who splits his time between Thailand and Alberta. My other instructor was Estaban (who looked at me weird the first time I laughed at his name, and I had to explain that it was because of 'The Life Aquatic', which he had never seen, so I have to get it for him), who is a fellow Swiss and one of the best guys you will ever meet. His girlfriend Poo was equally amazing, but she got pregnant near the start of the season so she can't dive any more and didn't go on the trip unfortuneately. Honestly, I can't tell you how much I loved these two, they're just about the best couple ever. There were also 5 other people taking the open water course, so it was fun not being the only new diver.

So now I'm just going to skip to the diving. First off breathing underwater is weird. On our first open water dive at Richilieu Rock, as we were descending to 18m I couldn't understand why I was getting short of air. Then I remembered to actually breath (I'm an idiot), and all was well. So diving....IS FUCKING INSANE!!!!!! At the start of the dive I was like "I wonder if we'll even see any fish" We only saw about a million of them. It's like a whole different world. The water was clear, the coral was so many different colours (OK all coral is white, it's the algae that makes it colourful for those nitpicky biologists among you), and the fish. TONS OF FISH. Schools just swim by you, sometimes you can't even see the coral for all the fish (I seriously doubt though that "You can't see the coral reef for the fish" will ever replace "You can't see the forest for the trees" anytime soon though. If it does catch on though, I want credit in Bartletts or Websters or whatever.).

So the first dive was amazing, but I soon learned that I'm a complete hoover with my air supply. Oh well what can you do? After that it was back to the boat, and off to Koh Tachai, which was equally amazing. I'm trying to get pictures from the trip form the few people who took their underwater cameras, but they'll have to wait. So just to sum up the way the trip worked so that I can just move on to the highlights is this. First Day: two dives. Second day: 4 dives (including night dive) Third day: 4 dives (including Deep dive to 30M). Forth Day: Two dives. So in total 4 days on the boat and 12 dives. So now the highlights.

1. MANTAS!!!! we first saw a Manta on our third day, it was jumping, almost flying out of the water. When we arrived at Koh Bon, the Mantas appeared before we even got into the water. Now supposedly Mantas are rare, and the dive instructors were flipping out, because not only did we see one Manta, we saw at least three. They Are the most amazing creatures. They're so graceful an elegant, it was just to much to see. One swam right towards me before arching up and swimming overhead. The thing was huge too, at least 5 m. I still relax and picture them swimming in my head.

2. Sharks!! We saw a Leopard shark, and a nurse shark, and man the rush of seeing a shark. I know they're not going to attack, but there's this little survival instinct in your head that goes off everytime you see a shark.

3. Finding Nemo! We saw quite a few Clown fish and other anemone fish. I couldn't resist shouting Nemo! everytime I saw one. Yes I'm 12 shut-up. They were fun to watch, because you can see the anemone from a distance and then as you swim closer you can see a few fish just living in the thing. It was mesmorizing.

4. Sleeping on the top deck of the boat. For some strange reason only Nadine and I did this the whole trip. It was like the best place to sleep ever. We just lay there and talked looking up at the stars, while all the other people were down below in cramped quarters. Sure as soon as the sun rose you were awake, but it was so nice and relaxing. It was also nice to get to know Nadine, since we hadn't really got a chance to talk much in Lao.

5. The Night Dive. This was incredible as well. Just diving down in the dark with only a flashlight. The conditions weren't the best, but the experience was too much fun. We even turned our light off at one point so we could see the Sea Lightening (Phosphorescent Plankton). It was erie at times, but so different than a day dive.

6. Barracudas. These things are BAD ASS, and I think they know it. It's almost like they strut through the water in packs, going "just try to fuck with me...I'll cut ya" They really should have BMF tattooed on their bodies.

7. The rest of the trip. Honestly from start to finish the drip was amazing, and definitely one of the best things I've ever done. Now I'm hooked on the Manta Juice though, so I guess I'll be returning to Thailand every year.

The only down side (other than the fact that the trip had to end) was all the course work we had to do on the boat for the advanced open water diving course. It seriously cut into nap time, and that nap time was sorely needed after a few dives.

A trip to the Dentist

So guess what I did on my last day in Chiang Mai? That's right I went to the dentist. Sounds fun and exciting doesn't it. It was though. It's been years, and was desperately needed, and a cleaning was only $12. That's right $12. CRAZY! It wasn't like the dentist out of Marathon Man (Is it Safe? Reference for the older folks) or out of Alias (reference for you younger, and much geekier folks). It was clean, and modern, and man it was good. They wanted to do a sealing treatment, but I didn't have enough cash, so I passed. Honestly in you're in Chiang Mai, work the dentist into the travel plans you won't be sorry.

After that it was a trip to the proctologist...just kidding. I actually went to the blind massage school, and had an amazing hour massage for just $3. Those blind really know what they're doing. They can't see a thing, so they just feel all the trouble spots right away. It was a good thing they were blind though sicne my pained expressions could then go unnoticed. After that if was off to Bangkok, where 12 hours on a bus did away with any comfort I actually had from the massage. Well done Bangkok.


PRIZES!!!!! A TINY BUDDHA STATUE FOR THE FIRST PERSON TO NAME THE SOURCE OF THIS POSTS TITLE. NO GOOGLE CHEATING.

The Quest For Chicken

Now I can be a stubborn man. I'll give you a second to recover from the shock of that statement...Oh, done already? We'll move on then. This manifests itself when I'm traveling as an overriding desire to find places that I can't seem to find. If I want to get there, come hell or high water, I'll find it. The longer it takes the less likely I am to ask for directions, and it becomes a matter of honour, and my belief that I'm an excellent map reader (a skill that might come in useful on The Amazing Race I hope). Now this trip I've been a rock star at navigating. No matter what the city, after the first day or so, I'm usually good without a map I don't know where every street is, but I know areas, and how to find what I need. Bangkok however, KICKED MY ASS THE OTHER DAY.

So I set off to go to Wat Pho, since I didn't have enough time the other day. But I knew where it was, and was close by, so I left Khao San Rd, and started walking. Well I got lost. WAY LOST. So lost that I couldn't have told you what direction I was even heading in. I was also using the LP maps which were spread out over 10 pages, and I didn't even know which one to look at. That's when I became determined to find my way no matter what. It's not as easy as you think, since Bangkok has the worse signs ever. I eventually did find my way, and didn't get lost on the way back. Dignity tarnished, but salvaged.

Now all of that was a prelude to my quest for chicken. Lonely Planet kind of sucks, but their food recommendations are almost always bang on. So it was with that that I decided to dine at Soi Polo Fried Chicken. The best fried Chicken in Bangkok it said. I love fried Chicken...I mean love it, and I must admit, I made a damn tasty fried Chicken...damn tasty. So I was off to find chicken. The place however was pretty far, and a cab ride was out, as was walking. This meant braving the Bangkok bus system, and then taking the sky train, then walking a bit. The bus was easy enough, and the stop I wanted was near the MBK mall (which had awesome A/C so I just had to walk around there for a bit), so it was hard to miss. After that I figured out the Sky Train, and while I did miss my first stop, it was easily corrected. Then I exited to the street. I had no idea where I was.

I was dark so I couldn't navigate that way. The streets weren't labeled, and I had no clue where to go. So I figured I just walk to the next cross street and figure it out. Well the blocks aren't as close as in NYC, so I walked for 15 minutes before I came to a cross section...which had no signage either. So I turned and walked. I did see a big park, which was good, since the place I was looking for was around Lumpini park. I just had no idea what part of the park is was. So I continued walking. Now it turns out that when you're walking the streets of Bangkok, and see a big sign for an upcoming intersections the street on the sign isn't the street at the intersection, but the street that you're on. WTF? Who knew. Needless to say I walked around nearly the whole damn park. I was walking for at least an hour. It was getting late I was starving, and I'm lost at night in Bangkok. Time to swallow the pride and ask a taxi. They didn't know where it was either. I asked two drivers. No idea. They couldn't even speak English (despite the sign that says "Yes we speak English"), so they couldn't even tell me what street I was on.

So summoning all my navigatory ability (What? It's a perfectly cromulent word). I used the park,and the direction of traffic and all other little clues and was able to pinpoint exactly where I was. I was actually on the right street, but had walked about 15 minutes past Soi Polo. So I headed back. Now you might think that it's a bit of Thai humour that they have the best chicken on Soi Polo, I mean I did, I thought it was hilarious. Did they do it on purpose? Well it turns out the Bangkok Polo Club is on that street, hence the name. I don't know if that makes the joke better or worse, I'll leave that up to you. So I finally found Soi Polo, now I just had to find the restaurant (which I had been searching for for about 80 minutes). I was convinced that the place would be closed, but I was determined. Sure I passed a few places that looked good, but I wanted Chicken damn it.



Then I saw it. A cartoon roasted chicken in the window, a place packed with people. This was it. So I walked in. I was the only non-Thai in the place. They led me to my seat, I ordered a half-order (which LP said was enough for two), ordered a well deserved beer,and waited for the glorious meat. Now I was getting some stares. Lone white guy in a room full of Thai, I kind of stood out. I didn't care though, they didn't know what I had been through, they didn't know the lengths I went through to get here. Then the chicken came.

IT WAS SOOOOOO FUCKING GOOD




I mean it was insane how good this chicken was. Golden and crisp on the outside, moist and juicy on the inside. They even fry up garlic bits and pour it on top. And then there's the dipping sauce. Spicy, yet a little sweet. A really good Thai BBQ sauce. So I ate, and ate. After that plate was finished ordered another half order and eat that all up. All the while the Thais were getting drunker and drunker on 100 Piper Scotch (which made me kind of miss Piper. I miss my Dog). The dinner was amazing, and worth the journey. It took me all of twenty minutes to find my way back to the Skytrain by the way.

Being Taken For A Ride

So I was walking the streets of Bangkok, on my way to some Wats, when this kid approached me and asked where I was going. I said the royal palace, and then Wat Pho. Oh, they're closed for lunch, you should go around two. Now this didn't seem so far fetched, that happened in Vietnam and Cambodia all the time, so it had a ring of truth. Then he told me that the tuk-tuks with a certain number are government run, and therefore cheaper, and then pointed to a few places on the map I should go (most of which I was planning on seeing the next day, since I had just arrived in Bangkok that morning. He also told me I was in luck since this week there wasn't any entrance charge, and today was the last day. OK HERE IT COMES, IT'S ALWAYS THE LAST DAY WHEN THEY WANT TO SCAM YOU. Then he also names a place where I can get cheap clothes made. AND THERE'S THE SCAM! Low and behold one such Tuk-Tuk pulls up, and the kid talks to the driver and tells him where to take me all for 40 baht ($1). Now I know this is a scam. I've read about this scam. They take you somewhere, then take you to a jeweler or tailor, and they pressure you to buy over priced stuff. I've seen it before, but since I have no money, I usually get a cheap trip to a bunch of sights, so I actually like the scam. So we go to one Wat, and it was a really nice Buddha. NOW THIS IS HOW WELL THEY HAVE THE SCAM WORKED OUT. As I'm looking at the Buddha, this older man walks in and starts chatting. He asks where I'm from, and when I say Canada, he says he too lives in Canada, and is back in Thailand for a few months visiting family. He says he works for the Canadian consulate or something. He then tells me I'm lucky, because today is the last day of bale, bale,bale. And if I go to the tailor I get a special price and become a member, and can then order more stuff from back in Canada. MY GOD, THEY'RE ALL IN ON IT. He then says if I go to a specific travel place I'll get student rates which are much cheaper. This is one hell of a well designed scam.

So I get back to the Tuk Tuk, and the driver wants to take me to the tailor. I say no just to see what would happen, and that's when he tells you he gets gas coupons for bringing customers in. At least they're upfront about it. So I go. I'm led upstairs and we talk suits. Then it comes to price $280. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I just laugh and ask if it looks like I can afford a $280 suit. So I leave. The driver kind of says I wasn't in there long enough to get him the coupon, but what could I do. After price is mentioned I can't say much without misleading the guy. So he take me to another Wat, this one with a 50 Ft. Buddha or something. It was quite amazing. Then it's back to the Tuk-Tuk ,and now he wants to take me to a jeweler. NO. Come on he says pretty much pleading. So I go. This is the last one he says after this two more sights and then to the palace. Well the jeweler was more than the tailor, so out I walk,and the driver's not happy, but he takes me to another Wat. This one was OK. So I walk out, and the driver is gone. No where to be found. Turns out though that I'm a 20 minute walk to the palace (which is only about 5 minutes further than when I started). So I basically got a free ride to a few wats I was going to see anyway, and it cost me nothing.

Hats off to the Scammers of Bangkok though, that was one well planned scam. On the way back from The palace (which was insanely beautiful by the way), I was once again offered a cheap ride. This time I elected to walk though, you can't scam the scammers twice in one day can you?

Crazy Horse Buttress

I arrived in Chiang Mai with a little bit of trepidation. I mean Lao was incredible, and I had heard that Thailand was pretty jam-packed with people, and I wasn't sure I was ready to take that. I don't think I could handle Vietnam right now, that's for sure. Thailand however was kind of the reason for this trip, so I was looking forward to seeing it, but was afraid that I was about 10 years too late, and the Thailand of my dreams was a thing of the past.

After leaving Lao, I took a boat across the Mekong to Chiang Kong, and from there took a bus first to Chiang Rei and then to Chiang Mai. I was traveling with Cat, a girl I had met on The Gibbon Experience, and who was gracious enough to allow me to follow her to Chiang Mai, sine I had no idea what I was doing. She had been in Thailand for awhile working for a Thai non-profit in Chiang Rei. She was working on a Thai citizenship project, working to get Minority Hill-tribes, Thai citizenship. So at this point she was pretty familiar with way Thailand worked, and it was pretty convienient to follow her lead along the way. Turns out that I shouldn't of worried about Thailand. Sure it's full of people, and chain stores (including McDonalds and Starbucks, boooo), but it still has charm and relaxed atmosphere that is unmistakeably SE Asian, and therefore quite a nice place. It's like any other city in some ways, but unique, and quite a place to spend a few days.

The first night we went to the Night Market which was huge, and soooo touristy, but still a sight to see. I just can't sem to get enough of markets no matter what they are. The next day I went sight seeing, and that's when I realised that I still have had it with sights. It's still Wat, Wat, Wat, statue, Wat, Wat, Wat, and I've had enough. Sure they're all nice and beautiful and incredibly serene and such, but I need to DO something. I need to experience things. There are numerous treks available, but they're all so over done, that you're not really seeing the real culture, you're seeing the Epcot center version of Norhtern Thailand. One trek had you riding elephants, rafting, visiting a temple, and two villages all in one day, with lots of other tours, where is the adventure in that? You're supposed to be in a remote hill tribe and ther are more tourists than Thais.

So what should I do? Well, I went climbing again. It was even better this time than in Lao. Me, along with two Americans went in the morning to Crazy Horse Buttres, and proceded to climb some of the most fun and challenging routes I've ever done. The two guides were excellent climbers, and both were on the National Climbing team. They just kept setting up routes until we just couldn't do them anymore. They kept doing harder and harder ones, finishing with a 5.13, which totally kicked my ass. I managed to get up it, but it was hard. Jos and Jen know how much I suck at climbs with a lot of small holds, and this one was full of them. It was still totally amazing though, and a great way to see some of Thailands natural beauty. We finished off the day with a 65 m rappel into a cave that was filled with little stone tower things, they kind of meminded me of Inukshuks (which I obviously have no idea how to spell). I was much more fun then seeing a bunch of Wats again.

The Gibbon Experience

I was sitting at a bonfire in Muang Ngoi, talking about the possibility of doing some treks before I left Lao, and one of the people there mentioned The Gibbon Experience (TGE). It's a conservation effort to maintain the habitat of Gibbons, specifically the Black-Cheeked Crested Gibbon, which is endangered. They've built a network of treehouses accessible only by ziplines. Being the good Biologist that I am I left the next day to head to Bokeo. The trip there was rather uncomfortable as the speedboat seats are more like a box, and you ride for 6 hours with your knees around your head. It was damn fast though.

I got to Houeisai (Way Sigh, in case you care to pronounce it properly), but there wasn't a tour for the next two days, so I had to wait a bit in the border town, and there was nothing to do. It's pretty much just a stopping point to cross over to Thailand which is just across the Mekong. I had now followed the Mekong from Vietnam to Cambodia to Lao, and in a few days to Thailand. TBE sounded amazing though. It's just in its second year, and its really only heard about through word of mouth, since its so new,and not in any guide books yet. It's a three day trek with two nights in the tree houses, and lots of walking in the jungle. I went for option two which involved more hiking, but also more wildlife. There were only 6 of us in the group, so we wouldn't be seeing anyone else. The other option was to stay in the first treehouse and just hand out. There were only 6 people in that option so in total there were only 12 of us in the whole place. This could only happen in Lao, anywhere else and there would be wall to wall people.

The first day started with a 3 hour drive on some of the most dusty and bumpy roads I had ever been on. Once at the camp we had to hike 40 minutes to the fist village to gear up, and then zip over to the first treehouse. IT WAS AWESOME! Zip lining is the most fun thing ever, but man is it scary at first. Once there we were given a rundown of the trip and the aim of the project. The goal is to not only protect the gibbons, but they also use the money raised form the project to train villagers to be guides and to act as rangers, which hunt the poachers which are killing the wildlife. They're goal is to make the project totally Lao run in a few years, thereby providing income and jobs for the remote villages, which are mostly comprised of minority tribes. For the three days we would be split up into two groups. The four girls went in one with me, and a German named Eddie in the other group. We would switch treehouses the next day. Once the guides bring you to the treehouse, then they leave you only coming back to drop off food and supplies. So you're basically on your own in a treehouse in the middle of a Lao forest. That could never happen in North America.



The first zipline from the treehouse was a 100m crossing between two off the mountains, with a drop of over 100m. It was a spectacular view, but nerve wracking as well. Then we did a few more zips and a bit of hiking to get to Tree House 3. We started settling in, and unpacked our trunk of food, and in it were all kinds of snacks, and the most amazing thing, a carton of cigarettes and a bottle of Lao Lao Whisky. They let you get drunk and give you unlimited access to ziplines! I love these people! Truly only in Lao. So Eddie and I settled in, and give some more zip-lining, and then it was time for dinner, which the guides brought up and then ate with us. Their English was Ok, but it was quite fun trying to communicate with them. I had to break out my note book a few times to draw pictures for the point to be made. At about that time the sun went down and the view from the tree house was spectacular. Then it was time to break out the Lao Lao, and do some more night zip-lining. We even did it with out flashlights for a bit, which was insane. We then passed the time telling tales of our trips, and Eddie convinced me to take a SCUBA course in Southern Thailand. The only sounds you could hear were from the wildlife, and it was quite peaceful. There was a full moon, so the surrounding Mountains were outlined,and we just sat and watched while playing cards.



Then we heard some rustling in the trees and the next thing you know there was this big cat on the railing on the treehouse. It looked like a Mercat, but it turns out it was a Civet Cat. The Civet Cat is probably most famous for eating coffee beans in SE Asia, which are then collected after passing through their digestive system, and t's supposed to be the best coffee ever. I'll eat a snake, but I'm not drinking poop coffee. Maybe I'll bring some home for Dad though. We watched the two cats which were climbing around for 40 minutes, before they finally got pissed at us and left. There was a nice piece of poop on our railing the next morning though, to thank us for the evening (no coffee beans though). After the visit from the Civet Cat the only visitors were insects, which wasn't to much fun. Falling asleep to the sound of birds and bugs was quite relaxing though, especially the 'I-go-you-go' bird (that's what he call sounds like).



The next morning we had breakfast in the treehouse. There is something incredibly amazing about drinking a good cup of coffee while hundreds of feet in the air, sitting in a treehouse. We got to do some more ziplines (which I was just told are also referred to as flying foxes, which is a much cooler name to tell you the truth), and then headed for a 3 hour hike through the forest (jungle?) to tree house 4. About 30 minutes into it we heard a rustling through the trees, and that's when we saw it...A fucking Gibbon!!! Now there are people that have worked at the place for 2 months that haven't seen a Gibbon, so we were pretty amazed. It passed by really quickly, and man can those things swing fast. I wasn't able to get a picture of it though, although we then stood there for 20 minutes hoping more would come. We did see a few other animals including this huge bird, but unfortunately that was our lone Gibbon experience.


Tree House 4 is by the river, so along the way we did some swimming, while the guides caught some fish. There was also a waterfall near TH4, so that was kind of neat. The view from TH4 isn't quite as good as TH3, but it was still pretty awesome, and this time the guides stayed with us which was pretty fun. We were going to teach them a few card games, but they were pretty tired. The next day we hiked back out to the village, and then caught a lift back to Houisay. We might not have seen too many Gibbons (but the other group saw none, so HA!), but the experience and solitude made the trip so worth it. Definitely one of if not THE highlight of my trip. If you're ever in Lao, GO! Heck even if you're not in Lao, book a damn ticket and go.